I do have a bit of a problem with your portrayal as Rin. He just seems to completely lack the "energy" and motivation that he has in the canon, which in turn is making him come across as being a very flat and un-interesting character to thread with and read. It seems as though he sits on the back bench in comparison to your other characters and doesn't shine out like they do. I'm not sure if that's just because of the route you've chosen to take him, but he strikes me as being very OOC at times and I have a hard time reading your tags in his voice. Rin as a character is someone who has plenty of energy, and no matter how many times he gets knocked down he never gives up and continues. Your portrayal honestly doesn't reflect that, and it's unfortunate to see as I love the canon myself.