rocketpunch: (this is cool)
Precis F. Neumann ([personal profile] rocketpunch) wrote in [personal profile] lucetimods 2012-06-18 04:44 am (UTC)

First off, I really enjoy Pils! That much is obvious. She feels very much like a normal girl stuck in Luceti...which is crazy! Poor thing!

One thing I have a little bit of trouble, though, is it seems like you tend to...kind of lead threads towards ending early? What I'd love to see you do with Pilouette is just expand on her conversations a bit more. It feels like a few of her conversations with Precis have been "Hi, oh this is the thing we're talking about, now we're done." What I really, really want is "Oh, hey, let's talk about this relevant thing...now that we're done with that, let's talk about what else is new!" Basically, some conversation filler would be lovely. You're very consistent with Pilouette's voice, but it just feels like conversations fall into this one track thing...but she should be able to bring up subjects of her own, too! And just talk.

Does that make sense?

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